I am officially a Suicide Girl Hopeful… My set didn’t get accepted, but it’s now up on the Hopeful’s page…

Everyone is so nice… SG has the best community ever… I’m so happy to finally be apart of it…

yay me!!<333

“All On Black”

-Alkaline Trio-

I put it all on black, no color you’re all dressed in
And a stab in the back left you bleeding on the floor
And I’m mourning the death, the recent passing of your insides
I smile in regret every time I think of how I spoke to you

I put it all in back of my mind where I hold you
I’m just trying to keep track how far back it really goes
And I’m living in lack of the blood sent from the heavens
I’m just trying to relax as the killer’s waiting right outside my door

What’s black and white?
What’s read all over?
This tired book, this organ donor

Sweet blasphemy, my giving tree
It hasn’t rained in years
I bring to you this sacrificial offering of virgin ears
Leave it to me, I remain free from all the comforts of home
And where that is, I’m pleased as piss to say, I’ll never really know

I put them all in black, the four walls of my bedroom
And I trimmed them in red, peeled your picture off the wall
And I’m living in lack of the blood sent from your heartbeat
That arrived in your neck every time I salivated over you

What’s upside down?
What’s coated in silver?
This crucifix is my four leaf clover

Sweet blasphemy, my giving tree
It hasn’t rained in years
I bring to you this sacrificial offering of virgin ears
Leave it to me, I remain free from all the comforts of home
And where that is, I’m pleased as piss to say, I’ll never really know

One of these days, it’s gonna catch up to you
Throwing looks like those around
One of these nights, I promise to you
I’ll soon be sleeping sound
As soon as I leave town

(favorite song)<333

i went to the new doctor today… told him everything hat goes down… and he thinks my hashimotothyroiditis (or however you spell it) is causing all of it… the weight gain, the breathing spasms, the heart pains, dizziness, everything… ugh… and its not cureable, just… treatable?… so, yes, going to be on medication forever… because he said it will cause alot more difficult problems with my health in the future… boo on that…

so, i had to get more blood drawn… all those stupid tests… but at least he was honest as to why i got so fat… ive been feeling hideous lately from the weightgain and whatnot… looked in the mirror and almost threwup…

anyway…. thats my dctor update…<333

Well, lately… i’ve just been here. around. zombie like. im… content. i have nothing to say. im just… aware. barely. i guess. i dont know anymore…

i miss love. i miss the laughter. i need a new friend.

anyway. friday. did the photoshoot. came out pretty good. it was fun. turned everything in. we will see.

its that time for new class signup again… no clue what i am gonna take. ugh.

<33

my doggie is officially blind… :[

she runs into everything, and today... she was trying to sniff around outside on the patio and fell right off the stairs... it was so sad... and she got scared and confused i think, and started going in circles because she couldnt figure out where our voices were coming from... :[ so i had to pick her up and carry her inside... sadness.

Things have been weird lately... I can't even explain it... blerg... but on a good note, i messaged my friend, who i havent spoken to since the summer before college, and she messaged back... i was so happy to hear from her... i dont even know what happened with is... she was my bestie, my sis, in high school... im just glad she messaged me back... i really miss her... a lot a lot...

im sleepy, i just downloaded a bunch of Alkaline trio songs... ima put them on my ipod nd hit the hay... :]

 <333

So, I went to the doctor again… And I apparently have anxiety issues that is making my heart and lungs go crazy… He thought it was my thyroid again, but it wasn’t?… I dunno, I have to go back to the Endocrinologist, or however you spell it, so they can check all that stuff… Blerg. I got a pretty kick ass red inhaler though for when I freak myself out and can’t breath…

Oh yeah, I also have depression… Tragic right?… haha… I’m just one big fucking mess aren’t I?… My body knew it, it just gave up on Thursday, I just wanted to lay there and not breath or do anything… I’m pretty sure that is what we call a nervous/mental breakdown… I should have saw that one coming…

Also, a couple blogs down I said that Blue Eyes broke me down… True… But the sad thing is, I’ll always like him… And I’ve been thinking about him a lot lately… Maybe that’s why my mind and body broke down… I can’t stop thinking about him, and it sucks… Because I don’t want to… I’m never going to see him again… And I think that’s a good thing…

Oh yeah! HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!

<333