So, I went to the doctor again… And I apparently have anxiety issues that is making my heart and lungs go crazy… He thought it was my thyroid again, but it wasn’t?… I dunno, I have to go back to the Endocrinologist, or however you spell it, so they can check all that stuff… Blerg. I got a pretty kick ass red inhaler though for when I freak myself out and can’t breath…

Oh yeah, I also have depression… Tragic right?… haha… I’m just one big fucking mess aren’t I?… My body knew it, it just gave up on Thursday, I just wanted to lay there and not breath or do anything… I’m pretty sure that is what we call a nervous/mental breakdown… I should have saw that one coming…

Also, a couple blogs down I said that Blue Eyes broke me down… True… But the sad thing is, I’ll always like him… And I’ve been thinking about him a lot lately… Maybe that’s why my mind and body broke down… I can’t stop thinking about him, and it sucks… Because I don’t want to… I’m never going to see him again… And I think that’s a good thing…

Oh yeah! HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!

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Saturday was my friend Nich’s 20th birthday… And him being the Halloween whore he is, decided we go to the Corn Maze and Haunted House… It was sooo much fun, random people kept wanting to take pics of us, because we were all dressed in costumes… Me being a slutty Alice in Wonderland, haha… ((Hey, its my one time I actually dress whore-ish, haha))… So, we go into the Haunted House first, so damn hot in there, body heat out of control… Our friend Alfonso had this crazy latex mask on, and was scaring all of us, it was funny…

Then we went into the maze… And I swear we were in there for like 4 hours, haha… We got lost so many times… We were apparently going in circles… I think its because we made only left turns, haha… Then we all got split up into about 3 or 4 mini groups because I cut through the corn thinking it was gonna lead me to the front of the group… and three people followed me… Nope! We ended up in this completely new section, haha…

Anyway, after we left the maze around 12am(?) we went to In N Out, where it felt like I was in a zoo because everyone kept staring at us… People are lame… After that, we went to Nich’s house and just lounged around his garage and played Apples to Apples… One of the more fun card games I have ever played… and around 3am-ish I was back home…

My heart and lungs hurt so bad yesterday and this morning… My voice is all scratchy… Throat hurts… I think it was worth it though… haha… But I feel like a horrible person… I like a friend, but he has a gf who is also my friend… And I feel like a total cow about it… ugh… Whenever I like someone, its always the wrong person or wrong time, or both!… I suck. :[ And it doesnt help that he flirts with me… And we all know I was born a fucking flirt… grr.

what am I to do with myself?… Sleep.

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